Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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