peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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