pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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