I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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