I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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