i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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