"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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