I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
