How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
