Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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