WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
