I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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