Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
