***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
