My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
