Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
