So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
More tranny stories later!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
