we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
