I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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