At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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