just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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