There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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