Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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