dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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