k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
