No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
