Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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