Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
