So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
