and you said cock pushups were impossible
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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