LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
