i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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