another moral hangover. fuck.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
