2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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