life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
