it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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