I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
