I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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