I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
