I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dick very happy bro
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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