I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
