i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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