Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
