Just fell off a train. Bad.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I want is dick and wine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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