So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
