I intend to get homeless drunk
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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