One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize