i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
