she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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