yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
