Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
