My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
