the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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