I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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