Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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