whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
