there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Text me some of your sweat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize