So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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