Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
