How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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