dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
