How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
