He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
