Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
