So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
