Can Purell be used as lube?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
