I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
