also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
