i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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