We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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