Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize