all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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