I think I died a long time ago.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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